Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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