Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
