I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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