I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
they're like a gay fantastic four
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I party with great urgency now.
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