I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize