Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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