pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can't turn off my feet"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
