dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
