i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My first STD was from a foam party
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
