I can text with my tongue
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
