Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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