Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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