Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
