She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
