I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
