How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
