I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
