Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
