Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
