I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
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It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
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It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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