my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
