My cat gives me a boner
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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