Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize