Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
