Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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