I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
