On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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