and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
