the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.