I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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