I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
