I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
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She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
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