Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
