D3 body, D1 cock
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
