so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
