No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
