I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
