Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
