so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
