Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
