I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
