So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
