I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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