Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
