we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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