I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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