So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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