i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
