No stitches, just platelets and will power
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize