her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize