I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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