hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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