LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
