I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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