I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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