My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
