Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
